Fags, Shags And Kebabs
Series 01, Episode 01
Air Date 26th February 2001
Previous None
Next Spunk

Fags, Shags And Kebabs is the first episode of the first series of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

Summary Edit

Jonny lives with girlfriend Janet. Janet's mate Donna needs a boyfriend so her mother Flo won't think she's gay. Donna asks Janet to get her a date with Jonny's best mate Gaz, but neither one of the boys are happy.

Full Plot Edit

Donna wants a boyfriend, so enlists on the help of her friend Janet who suggests her boyfriend's mate Gaz who she describes as been a bit thick but hung like a donkey!!! Donna try's to get Gaz talking by making out she's a football fan but she hasn't got a clue really. Then she say's she can eat vindaloo. Gaz thinks she's a great bloke!!!

When her mother suggests she's either gay or repellent to men Donna's so fed up she tells her mum she's got a date with Gaz to shut her mum up. This now means Donna has to get a date with Gaz. Janet being the one in the middle has to try and do this. After gentle persuasion and the offer of a signed photo of Adam Woodyatt Gaz is still not up for the date. It seems the only way is for Jonny to get Gaz to come round to the idea but is this possible when Jonny is dead set against the idea. Janet tries a bit of blackmail threatening to tell Gaz Jonnys favourite film is Titanic and Gaz agrees to the date.

Louise is in desperate need of a job so she can finance her own lung cancer!! And where else but the girls local pub The Mayhew. But with only netball as her work experience will she get the job? Probably not until Donna tells the desperate barman she puts out for a bag of peanuts.

Donna, Gaz, Jonny and Janet go out on a double date to The Mayhew while Louise is working but because Jonny doesn't want Gaz and Donna to go out together he tries is best to ruin it but all he does is upset's Janet who storms off. Jonny also storms off after realising he's not doing any good leaving Gaz and Donna who seem to be getting on well until Gaz says he'd rather be at a cup final. And then Donna storms off.

The barman makes a pass at Louise who then doe's a runner quitting her job. This just leave's Gaz to go running off out of the pub which doesn't take long, just the barman asking if Gaz would like to taste his salty nuts!!

Donna bumps into Jonny in the kebab house where they chat about relationships, Jonny gives Donna Gaz's telephone number and she goes round to his flat where they seem to getting on well again until Donna finds Gaz's porn collection and begins shouting which turns Gaz on and Donna decides she wants a shag before she goes!!!

Janet as a go at Jonny for been a knob in the pub until Donna phones and tells her Jonny gave her Gaz's number leaving Janet to apologise and the only way to do that is to let Jonny watch Titanic!!!

Trivia Edit

  • This is the only episode where "Two Pints Of Lager and A Packet of Crisps" is said, and is said by Donna and Janet when they go to the Mayhew.
  • After Janet and Jonny storm out of The Mayhew, a drink appears on Donna & Gaz's table (half pint glass with straw).
  • Also in this scene Louise is behind the bar one minute and then she is on the other side walking back behind the bar.
  • Donna says the only time she'd met Gaz is when she picked him up from the football. But they had met before, and spoke to each other quite a lot in When Janet Met Jonny (special), which takes place a few years before.